The Landwehr Report

Crystal River, Florida
October 9, 2007

BOONDOCK BUMMER

Newcomer, Koffee And More Kafe offers a welcome concept. Discovered in an all too infertile restaurant region on Florida 's West Coast, it opened in defiance of being a flawed imitation of an outstanding original creation.

If this tasteful, contemporary eatery were not within a few miles of the originative source, it might have seemed better and possibly rate higher marks. As it stands, however, this neighborhood snackery squatting on the corner of a strip mall with limited parking facilities, proffers more or less a mundane, seemingly semi-prepared menu featuring the likes of a meager selection of coffee expressions, pastries, smoothies, wraps, sandwiches, skimpy salads, soups, bagels, and eggs.

Koffee And More Kafe , (operating under absentee management, meaning no knowledgeable supervision), stumbles big-time when executing service. Perhaps because it is left in the hands of inexperienced, ill-informed young kids whose jobs are further compromised by a mean- sprited , in-charge girl given to tossing daunting dilemmas around like confetti. It seems her mission in life is disgorging a litany of bad attitudes, giving new meaning to the words condescending nasty, rude, insolent and disrespectful. But at least the youngster is indiscriminate. Any one in her line of fire can be blown-away. Special targets, however, are the weak, infirm and disabled.

Examples of mismanagement includes endeavoring to avoid honoring Grand Opening 'come-on' advertising inviting one to sample a free small coffee or never mentioning all patrons are entitled to a free coffee after buying fives cups. When questioned , they lamely replied it only applied to select steady customers (not true). Besides, the place isn't open long enough to have regulars. And is Miss Tyranical also in charge of selecting the favored few?

You get the point.

As one samples their way through the menu you realizes there is little discernable difference between one item and another. A sort of 'one basic formula suits all' mentality. I unequivocally requested a BLT Wrap. What did I get? Dried out turkey and cheese thinly garnished with bacon, lettuce and tomato. When I protested, Miss Tyrannical rushed to the register, tore out the $6.50 paid in advance and threw it at the table. Politely but happily I pocketed this unexpected windfall.

There are, of course, one or two acceptable dishes: scrambled egg on a roll and a well-buttered toasted bagel.

Pastries (brought-in), reputedly don't taste nearly as good as they look, tending to be over-sweetened and under-flavored. But again the major flaw is hostile management.

Pleasant atmosphere is not enough. Inexpensive is not enough. So Koffee Kafe has a long way to go before it is more than a feeding novelty.

'No Stars'. Koffee and More Kafe , Bella Vista Plaza , 6610 Gulf to Lake Highway, Crystal River , Fla. Phone: 352-564-2633. Open daily until 5 PM. Closed Sunday.

SIDE BAR: Readers aroused by the unnamed references attributed to the standout first-of-its-kind venue, may be interested to know it's called Deco Cafe, 109 Courthouse Square , Inverness , Fla. Phone: 352-341-5400. Open daily until 5 PM . Closed Sunday.